Thursday, November 09, 2006
11:31 PM
It is another Thursday for me. I never liked thursday till this semester. This was another thursday.
Took my mind for a walk, walked through the shops the whole day. Yet there was still things bothering me. Both my heart and mind.
Sitting here, another night, My nicotine, my glass of tea and songs. Im getting into another mood, a deep and troubled mood.
It took me 1 month before I listened to the song again. My heart felt heavy. Who was I kidding, my heart never really healed. Healed from my own wound. But it was not love. It is just the bonding that happened.
Heading back to Singapore soon did not do me any better. Tons of things are piling together to form a pile of heavy heart and mind.
I feel confined. My heart and mind is just at this stage where it is block. Refusing to open it or let it go. There was no doors to this opening. I want it closed longer. Trying to get out seems too impossible.
Watching the "Amazing Medical Stories", brought back memories of my health. Recent weeks of exams, pressure, past coming back, heart issues, it created more layers of mask. Just like those thick cakes of make up. You just keep covering layers after layers, till you just can't seem to see what is the real thing within. You can try to remove it but it take ages to remove each layers. Slowly or in a fast pace, it does not matter, the layers are just there. Visible.
If I have a car, I will take those drives. listen to music and let my heart and mind drown in those lyrics.
Basically im back to square 1. Where my mind and heart is at a stage which is blocked. Stopped. Heavy.
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